Creatures of the Underworld
by Fandom Angst
Summary: The Sohma Estate is a luxurious brothel run by Akito. The zodiac members are his workers and Yuki is his special favorite, as well as the clients' favorite. I don't own Fruits Basket. Warning: Contains prostitution, sex, children being groomed for sex etc.
1. The Diamond

Everyone knew about the Sohma Estate. It was the worst kept secret around. The public knew what it was, what happened there… They knew where to go if they needed that sort of… service…

But they didn't know the truth. The truth was darker than anyone could know.

The Sohma Estate was a brothel. The sprawling grounds and luxurious buildings made it perfect. It could offer anything you desired. The privacy and security the owner's vast fortune offered meant clients felt secure, safe.

Everything was private. Everything was allowed. No fantasy was too taboo. The Sohma Estate would provide.

It was owned and run by Akito Sohma.

He was a beautiful man, truly striking. Many clients expressed an interest in spending an evening with him; he refused them all with disgust.

He was ruthless and cunning. Only in his early twenties and he already managed such a successful business. He was entrancing and alluring, he practically emanated sin.

And the reason his business was so successful? His workers. His _gutter rats, _as he called them.

The thirteen trapped souls he controlled.

They were very popular, and very well received.

Shigure, Hatoru, Ayame and Kureno were allowed live away from the Sohma Estate, and to work part-time in the brothel and part-time at their other jobs.

The others were confined to the Estate.

Most had been abandoned by their parents at a young age. Akito had taken them in, drawn them close. He had fed them, clothed them, given them somewhere to live. Most had received home-schooling from tutors.

And in return he had sold them.

The Sohma Estate catered for every sort of desire, and most clients had a favourite.

Ayame was liked for his beauty. Haru was liked by those who enjoyed BDSM; his dark alter-ego was a considerable turn on. Isuzu and Kagura were popular as they were the only females. Kyo, whilst not being especially popular seemed to be, as Akito offered him cheaply, showing no discrimination in who claimed the boy.

Hiro and Kisa were as yet too young to begin work, much to Akito's impatience and chargin.

.

There was one however, who was more popular than all the others.

One who was requested more than the rest, by regular clients and first-timers alike, by those with lots of money, and those without. He was always the most desired.

Because he was the best.

With natural beauty and a lithe, slender body. He had youthful features, but wise eyes. He could be whatever you wanted. And he was very good at what he did. Yuki Sohma.

Being in Akito's care since a young age had taught Yuki all he needed to know about being a good whore.

He hadn't received home-schooling like the others. He couldn't read or write, wouldn't understand numbers in the slightest. He had no notion of history or art or science.

But he could simper and moan and pant in such a way that you believed yourself a God with a magic touch.

He could whisper sweet nothings or deplorable imaginings in your ear, whichever you desired. He could be an angel or a demon, a slave or a master.

He was equally good with male and female clients, young and old. It made no difference to him. This was his job. This was his home. This was his life.

Akito had taught him well.

It was Yuki who Akito rented out to his best clientele. It was Yuki he boasted about, Yuki he used to seal important business deals.

And when the sun began to rise, signalling a new day, and his clients scurried back to their spouses, their children, their jobs and their plain, ordinary lives, it was Yuki he called to his own bed.

After he had taken his fill of the boy Akito would lie back, satisfied. He had his empire, his twelve shining jewels, and Yuki, the diamond at the top.

In the early morning the Sohma Estate was still, quiet and peaceful. The clients had left and the workers had time to themselves.

Most of them slept, showered, ate… tried to forget the night before. When darkness fell they rose once more.

They weren't accustomed to the sun. They were, as Yuki had often thought, creatures of the night… creatures of the underworld.

* * *

**Oh dear, what have I done? Someone should stop me!**


	2. A Day in the Life

Yuki lay in a stupor, somewhere between waking and sleep. When he had awoken from his brief fitful sleep in Akito's naked embrace he had carefully detached himself, dragged a spare blanket from the bed, and trudged to the armchair. Here he curled up. He liked the armchair, especially now in the early hours of the day. Here he could spend hours gazing out the sliding French windows and catch the sun sneaking across the garden. He enjoyed the garden and its simple beauty. Here he could rest in comfort. And here he could avoid the unwanted touches and caresses which seemed to make up most of his existence.

After an undeterminable amount of time Yuki was brought cruelly back to reality by the jarring ring of Akito's alarm. He stretched as Akito slowly rose from the bed, still gazing at the garden. Akito walked leisurely towards him, running a hand through mussed up hair. He caressed the back of Yuki's neck tenderly. They gazed out at the garden together for a moment and Akito's hand snaked down Yuki's bare chest to caress a nipple. Yuki stiffened but didn't react.

He was so used to this. So used to his body being used as others desired. But... he wished Akito wouldn't now. He had limited time to himself and he hated it ruined. Still... he didn't react. Akito could do what he liked. He gazed at the garden silently as Akito's touch made his nipples hard.

"Come to shower?" Akito asked.

It wasn't really a choice; there was only one right answer for Yuki. Yet Akito liked to believe Yuki was happy...comfortable. He wanted to distinguish a difference between the clients and him, to show the relationship he and Yuki had was different, special. But still, there was no choice, and Yuki would never... could never... refuse Akito.

He sighed slightly, before smiling and allowing Akito to lead him gently by the wrist to the bathroom.

When Akito had used him as he wanted and left for a meeting Yuki was alone once more. When Akito began work for the day Yuki was free to roam the house and grounds- though not beyond the grounds unless Akito authorised it. He dressed in loose trousers and a light cotton t-shirt. He had preferred loose clothes as long as he could remember, anything less like smothering hands. He felt the ghosts of Akito's morning touches on his skin and, without consciously deciding to, he walked into the tiny room which served as his wardrobe and storage area. He didn't have much but it was nice to have a space, to call it his... even if it didn't lock and opened onto Akito's bedroom.

He reached into a cabinet a withdrew a tall glass bottle. _Breakfast_. He smirked and took two large gulps. The vodka burned his throat and birthed a warmth in his stomach. He would burn feeling into his empty body if he had to. He only wished he could burn memories out. He took another searing gulp and replaced the bottle.

He traipsed outside slowly, feeling despondent. He was tired. Often he was too worn out after a night with the clients to participate later with Akito. Akito never seemed to mind though; he merely ignored him for that night or continued regardless, seeking his own pleasure. Yuki's pleasure wasn't a priority. As long as Yuki pleased the client Akito didn't mind. And Yuki always pleased the clients.

There had been once when he was quite young that he hadn't, due mainly to resentment of his situation. The severe beating he recieved in response had convinced young Yuki to do his job well.

As it was, he could do what he wanted- almost. He could help himself to any food he wanted. Akito knew he drank throughout the day. He told Yuki seriously that as long as he didn't present himself too drunk or drugged to perform at his peak in the evening he could do whatever the hell he wanted during the day.

Most of the others slept now but it had been many years since Yuki slept well and he usually rose after a few hours and curled in his armchair, waiting for Akito to awaken, sometimes smoking or drinking to pass the time. As long as he didn't wake Akito early, that was another rule.

Now Yuki reached his favorite spot; a worn out bench near the vast flowerbeds of the Estate. It might not look like much but this was Yuki's haven. It was somewhere he could be alone, but also somewhere he could be social. Living with Akito and serving his best clients meant Yuki was mostly preoccupied in a separate part of the Estate to his peers.

The garden was a chance for him to breach that divide. He sat back in the bench, enjoying the warm breeze on his face.

He hoped Haru would be out soon. Most days Haru met him here, even if only for a brief time. To begin with Haru had detested him, as had many of the others. Being Akito's favorite, and having access to his best clients meant that Yuki received the most work, had the richest clients, and got the best tips.

They were all allowed to keep a small percentage of their earnings as well as their tips. When they were twenty-one they could leave the Estate, and when they were thirty-five, or had paid off the debt they owed Akito for raising them, whichever came first, they were free. These contracts were upheld by the several corrupt lawyers and police officers Akito worked with.

Haru had therefore been bitter that Yuki received more money than the rest of them.

It didn't matter however... Yuki was an exception to the rule. He would never be free from Akito.

When Yuki explained this Haru had softened, and now the two were good friends. Their friendship was very important to Yuki; Haru was the only person he could really talk to.

Unfortunately the sort of clients Haru recieved were often very... exhausting. They liked testing how far they could push him before he snapped and went 'black'. It left him drained the next day and he slept later than any of the others, often not appearing until the late afternoon.

So Yuki waited. He had nothing better to do.

A movement caught his eye and he raised his head. It was Kyo. He slid open a door and stepped into the garden before noticing Yuki, scowling, and withdrawing once more.

Kyo hated Yuki more than any of the others. And Yuki didn't blame him.

Akito was more cruel to Kyo than to any other, and since he began working he had been given to countless undesirable clients. Akito and him had come to a peculiar agreement several years ago however; if Kyo could pleasure a client more than Yuki he would be given his freedom, regardless of his age or outstanding debt. They tested this every six months, with Akito selecting one of his best clients and asking them to judge, in return for the two nights with the boys for free.

Five times now they had tested this, and every time, of course, Yuki had won. Simply, he was the better actor. Kyo was too angry in what he did, letting his bitterness and frustration mar his performance.

Yuki sighed. He didn't want Kyo to hate him... but Akito had made very clear the consequences if Yuki should lose. And he wasn't prepared for that. It was all about self-preservation in this world. He couldn't afford to care about others.

It was a couple of hours before Haru appeared and Yuki had drifted into a doze, lulled by the birdsong and gentle breeze. Haru gentle grasped Yuki shoulder to wake him causing him to lurch awake suddenly.

He saw immediately that his friend was tired. The way he moved was too labored... the way he smiled was too forced. Yet still he smiled.

Yuki asked with a look how Haru's night had been and he grimaced in return.

"Urgh," he growled, "I swear I almost strangled her. She was really pushing me!" Yuki nodded sympathetically. There was nothing he could really say. "Say, if I had strangled her, there's nothing they could really do about it right? I mean they can hardly arrest me without revealing the circumstances."

Yuki pondered. "I suppose not" he said, though he was thinking of the police officers and lawyers Akito had in his pocket.

"Great! That's good to know." Haru seemed satisfied.

"Why? Are you planning killing someone?" Yuki asked.

"Well possibly Kyo..." Haru replied seriously, rubbing his chin thoughtfully and stroking an imaginary beard.

Yuki couldn't help but laugh.

"How was yours?" Haru inquired.

"Mmm, he was fine. Nothing weird or anything." He paused, then continued, knowing he could trust Haru. "He was an important investor or something. Akito said if I did well I'd have an easy night tonight- maybe even a night off." Haru nodded, knowing Yuki must have done well. Then he smiled, and it wasn't false or forced, it was genuine and sincere. "Good, that's great" he said, and there wasn't a trace of bitterness or envy in his voice.

They sat together, sometimes in silence, sometimes with idle chat. Now that he was awake once more Yuki wished he had taken the vodka out with him.

When afternoon blended into evening Haru left to get dinner. Yuki declined, saying he wasn't hungry. Haru shot him a worried look. As Yuki watched Haru walk away he felt a pang of sadness. Haru had been working since he was sixteen, for Akito at least waited until they were of consenting age before they began their work- except in Yuki's case- and he still had three years before he could leave the Estate. It wasn't fair, Yuki thought, that someone like Haru would have to spend five years of their life here. It was strange Yuki thought, for him to be feeling sympathy for someone else, let alone himself.

He shook himself mentally and went inside, hanging around Akito's quarters to be told what to do.

Eventually Akito returned, looking excited and hurried.

"Ahh Yuki! It's another important one tonight. No 'quickie', it'll be an all-night session. He's the son of one of the Sohma Family's oldest partners, in town for the weekend. So make sure it's good."

Yuki nodded obediently. He dredged up his courage and asked, "But... wasn't it meant to be .. easy... tonight?" Akito seemed momentarily confused. "Oh of course. I'm sorry Yuki dear but this is how it is tonight. You don't mind, do you?" He lightly cupped Yuki's chin with one hand.

"No!" Yuki replied instantly. Of course he didn't mind. This was his life. It wasn't Akito's fault this was happening tonight.

"Good boy" Akito whispered, stroking his cheek. "They'll be here in an hour. Join them in the lounge for drinks." Yuki nodded. Akito left, most likely to instruct the others on their schedules.

Yuki sighed. It seemed he would have a busy night after all... so much for easy. He went to his tiny room, grabbed the vodka bottle and meandered outside. He sat on the bench and drank miserably for some time. Haru appeared with a plate of food for him, saying he'd noticed he was still outside. Yuki took the plate obediently, and in a strange way, gratefully. He began stuffing food in his mouth without properly acknowledging or tasting it.

Haru eyed the vodka bottle suspiciously. Yuki gave him a defiant stare and offered him some. Haru accepted and Yuki watched his friend wince when the vodka hit the back of his throat.

When it was time, he went to his room, dressed himself smartly, took another sizable swallow of vodka, brushed his teeth, and made his way to the small lounge.

There was a larger lounge where people could mingle and meet with the hosts, perhaps deciding who took their fancy, but this lounge was only for Akito's special guests.

Surely enough when Yuki rapped smartly on the door and entered he found only three men inside.

They greeted him with polite words and hungry eyes.

The four ate and drank together and Yuki partook politely. He could be very charming, laughing at their jokes and lightly touching their arms. He usually gauged by the clients how forward he should be.

Akito arrived, looking smart, and mingled amongst them. At length the son of Akito's partner whispered something in his ear and Akito's nod told Yuki it was time.

The man returned to Yuki's side. "Lets take this somewhere a little more private" he whispered, slurring his words slightly. Yuki smiled alluringly and nodded.

"Come on boys" the man said, and Yuki turned in panic. The other men were leaving their glasses and following.

Perhaps the man noticed Yuki's reaction for he added, "My friends will be joining us for the evening's entertainment, I hope you don't mind?" It was the second time that night Yuki had been asked if he minded and he was beginning to think that he did.

He saw Akito's cold glare over the man's shoulder and swallowed tersely.

"Of course not" he purred, lying through his teeth.

The men grinned. Yuki's stomach churned. Akito's cold glare didn't falter.

And suddenly Yuki felt cheated. Like a trapped rat. He had been promised an easy night... and this is what he got.

And Akito's unconcerned cold eyes told Yuki he had known perfectly well.

Maybe he really was only a gutter rat to Akito.

* * *

**Ahh no-one stopped me so I kept going! **

**Thank you to The Character's Death, ImpishTopHat and conium, who's reviews encouraged me to continue this. **

**P.s. I don't know what international ages of consent are but where I live it's 16 so I went with that. **


	3. Cold Eyes

Yuki carefully opened Akito's door, slipped inside and silently closed it behind him. He staggered exhausted to his small room. There he crumpled against the wall. He reached blindly into the cabinet, fumbling in the darkness, and brought forth a bottle. It didn't feel like his beloved vodka from earlier but it would do. He carefully unscrewed its top and took a long drink. It was sweet and spicy. Not vodka. Maybe rum. Hmm... spiced rum he thought. It made no difference. He took another long drink.

He looked around the room, eyes very slowly adjusting to the darkness. It was about six in the morning, the sun beginning to lighten the world, but no light reached his small room.

He lent his head back against the wall. He was tired. So very tired. And sore. He couldn't remember the last time he's felt this bad after sex... maybe early on, shortly after he began work... -but he didn't want to remember that now.

He didn't want to go to Akito. He wanted to be alone. To lock himself away here. Or better yet to leave the Estate.

It had been... horrible. In a word. He could have said no, kicked up a fuss, fought back... but he didn't. Of course. He couldn't. This was his job. His life. His everything.

The men had been pleased, which was good. Akito would be happy, and that was important to Yuki... wasn't it?

And they had tipped him generously as they left. He could feel the crisp notes in his pocket. He knew he should be grateful.

He was sure he'd be ready for work tomorrow. He was overreacting. He was being silly, childish.

The bottle seemed to raise itself to his lips and more of the warming liquid filled his mouth. The comforting warmth in his stomach was pleasant. He wanted more of it. But he also wanted numbness, and he couldn't have both.

He was feeling better now. He had behaved ridiculously in avoiding Akito. He was his master. He had raised him and cared for him. He was his lover and boss. Really, he was everything to Yuki.

Yuki took another small sip before pushing himself unsteadily to his feet. He left the bottle and stumbled from the room. His legs trembled slightly and he wasn't sure if it was from exhaustion or pain or something else.

He reached the bed and with a small sigh slipped unobtrusively under the covers. He prayed Akito didn't want pleasuring tonight for he would be unable to do anything.

He sank into the mattress as soon as he lay down, his body very heavy. Akito stirred next to him and drew him close. Yuki let their bodies mold together, grateful for the comfort it brought, and that Akito didn't want more from his tired body.

He fell asleep very quickly that morning; his mind's usual preoccupations smothered by exhaustion.

.

When he slowly woke hours later Akito was gone. It was unusual for Yuki not to waken at Akito getting ready, but he supposed he had been very tired.

He looked around at the handsome room. It was fine room to call one's own. Shifting to the end of the bed he could see out the French windows to the grounds and gardens. It was a beautiful place to live.

He was ashamed of the way he had acted last night. He should be grateful. Akito had left this morning, letting him continue sleeping. That was a kind master.

He showered, washing himself thoroughly until his skin wrinkled. He noticed several small bruises blossoming across his body. He grimaced slightly, not wanting to remember or dwell on the night before.

When he began to dress he found the money was missing from his pocket; Akito must have removed it while he slept. The others kept their own money and dealt with it however they wanted but Akito stored Yuki's in a bank account. He said this way it would gather interest. Yuki didn't know what this meant but he trusted Akito.

He trudged slowly outside and sank down onto his bench. He watched the birds fluttering in the trees and taking flight, throwing themselves into the sky and spiraling far away, and he imagined he was a bird too.

.

After several hours Yuki wandered back inside. He felt there was something nagging at the corners of his mind, just waiting for him to turn his attention on it. He didn't know what it was but he knew it was dark and nasty and that he didn't want to address it.

He curled in the armchair and managed to force himself into a fitful sleep.

When he awoke the first thing on his mind was a drink. He hurried to his cabinet and opened it. There were many different bottles in there, all different shapes and sizes. His clients often gifted him a bottle of drink, pressing it into his hands with a kind smile, as though this negated what their dirty hands had done to him during the night.

Now... what would help his parched throat? He knew what most of them were from sight; from their colour and the shape of their bottle. He drew out a small, fat bottle of amber coloured liquid. This looked interesting. He squinted at the label but the letters were a mystery to him. This one would do. He would ask Haru what it said. He was always willing to help him, without being condescending.

He waited for Haru at the bench, slowly drinking from the bottle.

The hours wore on. He had slept a lot that day- much more than normal- but he felt so unnaturally exhausted.

Momiji appeared in the garden, releasing a moth which had flown inside. Yuki smiled and he flitted over. Yuki was amazed at his continued brightness and kindness after working at the Estate for a year. It was endearing, but Yuki didn't really understand it.

They spoke of unimportant things for some time before Momiji noticed the bruises on Yuki's arms. His young face turned serious.

"A bad one last night?" he inquired in a small voice, and Yuki could only nod. They lapsed into silence, both lost in their own thoughts. Yuki liked Momiji; he was kind and compassionate, and one who didn't care that Yuki received the richest clients.

Yuki asked if Haru was about and Momiji shook his head sadly. "He had a bad night too." Yuki was suddenly angry. It wasn't fair that someone like Haru should be treated badly. It wasn't right. He took a long drink.

In time Momiji left, saying he had to help Kagura with something. "See you Yuki" he smiled as he left.

Yuki was alone once more, and in the absence of Momiji's warm presence the anger inside him bubbled like acid.

He realised the thing he'd been ignoring, was Akito. The way way he had looked at Yuki last night. After promising a night off, or at least an easy night, he had given Yuki to three men. _And he had known_. His cold eyes were what Yuki hadn't wanted to think about. He didn't want to know that Akito didn't care about him... but now he knew...

He stood abruptly and entered the house by a different door, walking along the grand corridors until he reached the large lounge. He wanted to check if Haru was there.

He entered, and looked around. A few clients had gathered on the couches, several were playing poker at a table in the corner. They were being served afternoon drinks by Kisa and Hiro.

As Yuki watched with disgust he saw some of the clients, all men, touching themselves.

He felt sick.

Of all the things he had experienced in his dark and miserable life this was the worst.

He had spoken to Akito before about it. Since he arrived at the Estate as a small child he had never asked Akito for anything. But he asked him not to do that to Hiro and Kisa. He had asked him not to let perverts touch themselves at the sight of them.

Akito had assured him the clients could not touch them, that they were perfectly safe. Yuki had insisted that it was wrong, that he wanted it to stop. Akito promised he would reign it in and kissed Yuki to distract him. When Yuki had continued to mention it Akito had had him severely beaten. After that Yuki said no more about it.

Because he was a coward.

Now he stormed from the room, felling sick and disgusted at himself, at Akito, at everyone.

It was all just too much.

He rushed outside once more and strode through the gardens.

He reached the bench and paused a moment.

He wanted to scribble a note, as he had seen people do in films, but without the ability to write he would have to compromise.

He left the half-empty bottle carefully on Haru's side of the bench, hoping he would understand, and turned away.

He strode to the gate of the Sohma Estate, his gait confident and purposeful, and no-one he passed tried to stop him.

He paused, sparing the beautiful grounds a sweeping glance, and continued, leaving the Estate for the first time in years.

* * *

**After every chapter of this I really feel like apologising! ****So... sorry!**

**Also if I don't write another chapter before I go, I'm going to be away with limited internet for three weeks so there'll be no more story till then (I'm sure you're celebrating that you'll get a break from this train-wreck :P)**


	4. What is this Feeling?

Yuki walked away. Then he ran, and he didn't stop running. He ran and ran.

For the first time in years he felt free. He _was_ free. He was out. He could go anywhere. Get far away from his dark life with its sordid secrets. He ran and ran.

Then he stopped.

He wasn't free. He couldn't go anywhere. Couldn't do anything. He had nothing, only a shirt and pair of trousers. Not even shoes. He had no money. No friends. No skills.

He had nothing.

He couldn't read or write. He couldn't survive.

He had nothing... And he was nothing.

Yuki collapsed to to a stop on an old bench. His chest was heaving, it having been many years since he last ran. His head spun and his eyes watered. _What was he doing?_ He felt like such a child. A child who doesn't understand anything. One of Yuki's clients who came to the Estate once a month often said, "Confidence is the feeling you have before you understand the situation", and now he understood.

He felt like a fool. Akito had half the police in town in his pocket, and almost as many members of the local council. And more than that... Akito and his staff had raised Yuki. His mother abandoned him when he was four and since then Akito had been his guardian.

He was Yuki's father, lover...owner...

For the second time that day Yuki was ashamed of himself. He owed Akito so much. How could he repay everything he had done with such ungratefulness? He had directly disobeyed orders.

He squirmed at the thought of Akito's anger. A successful businessman and even more successful brothel owner, Akito had been raised in luxary and power and, used to being in control, his rage could come as powerful and unpredictable as a tempest.

Yuki didn't want to go back. He was... scared? Was that what he was feeling? He didn't want pain. Was that wrong?

He thought of Akito's cold eyes and felt something else. Akito had known Yuki would have to work last night. That's what the cold eyes told Yuki. They told him that Akito didn't care about him. Was this anger Yuki felt?

He wasn't used to such charged emotions; he preferred to muddle through his days in a comforting blanket of numbness, feeling nothing. There would be sex with a stranger each night, and sometimes with Akito in the early morning. Then sleep and blessed alcohol during the day. That was his life, and he lived it every day... but he didn't want to feel it. If he felt it... it would be real.

Why was he suddenly so aware of his feelings? And what were they?

He was very confused. His conflicting thoughts raced each other through his mind. Akito's cold eyes... Haru's absence... The men touching themsleves watching Hiro and Kisa... leaving the Estate...gentle hands and rough hands...moans and grunts... kisses and caresses which meant nothing... hot bodies moulding together... the burn of alcohol in his throat... the numbness pills brought...Akito's cold eyes, Haru's absence, the men touching themselves, leaving the Estate...

ColdeyesHaru'sabscencethementouchingthemselvesleavingtheEstate

Running

Running

Running

Cold eyes... coldeyes...coldeyescoldeyescoldeyes

Yuki fell forwards with a desperate, wrenching sob. It was too much. Too much. Too much!

He didn't know what he was feeling.

Too much too much too-

"Erm, excuse me? Are you alright?"

The voice broke into the tornado of his thoughts, but a moment passed before it could be understood. It was a voice, talking to him. To him. To Yuki. He was Yuki. And there was a voice talking to him.

He struggled to regain control, and slowly raised his head. A young woman stood above him in the fading light of the sun. Yuki's first thought was that she was beautiful. Not beautiful in the way some of his clients were, with their glossy styled hair and shimmering dresses, but beautiful in a different way. A subtler way. It was her eyes, Yuki decided. She had warm eyes.

He stared before realising the gentle face before him was waiting expectantly for an answer. He shook his head experimentally, like a dog trying to shake water from his ears, and cleared his throat.

"Yes- erm yes. I'm fine thank you. I was just... working through some..." He trailed off and gestured to his head. He didn't know how to explain. He didn't even understand himself. She nodded gently and Yuki found himself surprisingly comforted. He took a deep breath and looked around for the first time. He was in a...park, not somewhere he knew. He could hear children playing in the distance.

He turned his attention to the woman, feeling much calmer now. She was dressed all in pink, in strange loose fitting clothes. Yuki thought them odd; he had never seen such clothes at the Estate. He wondered vaguely if this was fashionsble. His eyes followed the ropes leading from her delicate hands to the ground and found two dogs at the woman's feet, both straining forwards towards him. He flinched away from their sudden proximity. The woman laid a hand on the smaller dog's head and murmered something. He stopped straining and sat neatly. The other dog soon lost interest and began trying to pull the woman in another direction. Yuki realised her lips were moving and struggled to focus on her rather than the dogs.

'-really though they're harmless. Buster can be a little boisterous though." She smiled down at the tugging dog with such warmth and affection that Yuki was disarmed.

Such tenderness was unusual for him to witness.

How could she devote so much warmth to a dog?

Realising he was gaping Yuki rightened himself. He was being awfully rude. Where were his carefully crafted manners?

He cleared his throat. "I apologise if I worried you, Miss...?"

"Oh it's Tohru, Tohru Honda, sorry!"

"Miss Honda."

Yuki smiled, starting to regain his usual composure once more. He had to be numb. He couldn't let those damn feelings creep into the cracks and infect him. It was all an act in this business, and he was the star of the show.

He produced a beautiful smile, feeling the muscles in his face working without the emotion behind it.

"I cannot make amends for causing you concern, but it is a pleasure to make the acquaintance of one so beautiful and kind."

His smooth talking, carefully learnt from his life at the Estate, came naturally to him. He mused for a moment over the queer reality that it was easier for him to lie than tell the truth. When had that happened? How had that happened? He shrugged it off.

"Now I really must be heading home."

He finished with determination, inclining his head towards her and nodding curtly. And he fully intended to do just that. To leave this place and go back to the Estate... to Akito...to home.

But...somehow he couldn't bring himself to move. His legs felt weak and heavy. Something dark coiled itself round his chest, constricting his breathing and movement.

When a moment had passed without him moving, Tohru gently sat down on the bench beside him. She didn't say anything, just calmly stroked the dogs.

Yuki panicked slightly, he had to leave. He shouldn't even be here... shouldn't be talking to her... to anyone.

After several minutes she spoke.

"You know...my mum used to say a problem shared is a problem halved. I-I know it can be difficult to talk to others, especially if you feel like you'd be burdening them by doing so...but if it's what you need to do you should. And... I'm here if you want to talk."

Yuki's mind reeled. She was being so kind. How was that possible? He had been spoken to softly before but only by Akito, or while wrapped in a client's embrace. This was... different. He realised he was gaping once more and knew he must seem slow or ungrateful.

Unable to produce words he merely nodded once, hoping she understood. She seemed to.

"Maybe, if I told you a little about myself first, then you might feel like you want to share? Of course-" her expression suddenly changed to one of anxiety "if you'd rather I didn't that's totally okay! I mean if you want to be alone you just have to say and I'll leave!"

Yuki realised...he didn't want her to leave.

"No," he managed, "thank you."

She smiled shyly.

"Ok, well my names Tohru, as I said. These are Buster and Tinkerbell. Tink had liver problems and Buster swallowed a tennis ball, silly thing. They should both be leaving soon. Oh- they're not mine, sorry I should have said. They're just being treated at the vets I work at."

She stopped to take a breath and smiled encouragingly, always keeping an eye on the dogs.

"You're... a vet?" Yuki succeeded in asking.

"Oh no! I'm just a vet nurse, well I will be in a year and a half, when I've finished my training. That's why I have these pink scrubs. Means I'm unqualified."

Yuki once more observed the woman's clothes. _scrubs. _Hmm. He had never heard of them before.

"It's Inches Vets, just over there." She indicated to a street beyond the park railings. "The dogs get walked each evening. I do it because I'm still learning."

Yuki didn't know how to respond.

"So, do you come here often?" Tohru prompted.

"Erm no... no. This is my first time."

"It's very beautiful here. I really enjoy walking the dogs. Especially when the sun begins to set."

Yuki's gaze drifted across the park. He supposed it was beautiful. It wasn't as carefully and stylishly landscaped as the gardens of the Estate, but there was something charming in the cluster of gnarled trees, the ripples in the small pond and the slight scattering of wild flowers.

He smiled and inhaled deeply. Thinking of the Estate gardens made his stomach twist as he realised how late it must be. He sighed.

"I should erm... be leaving now. It was a pleasure to meet you Miss Honda."

She looked surprised but quickly masked this under a beautiful smile. Yuki rose regretfully.

"You too...erm? Sorry, I don't think I caught your name?"

Yuki considered this. He had had many names. Each night he was someone different, whoever the client wanted him to be. Thinking of some of those names now, in this bright park, with this bright girl, made him feel strangely uncomfortable.

Who did she want him to be? Which mask to don?

Her soft eyes didn't seem to demand an act. But how could she want to know the real him?

"I'm... Yuki" he answered lamely.

"Well, it was a pleasure Yuki," she said, imitating his earlier manner of speaking with a small smirk. He couldn't help but smile.

"Would you- I know this is forward- but would you like my phone number? If you felt like talking- about anything- you could call?" she blushed prettily and waited.

How was someone so kind? Was this an act?

Yuki blushed too, because he didn't have a mobile, and there was little chance he could safely use the Estate phones.

"My phones not working at the moment" he mumbled weakly, "Thank you though. Really." Tohru looked a little sad. Inclining his head and smiling, Yuki turned and began to walk away.

Then he stopped. And turned back.

She had taken a few more steps with the dogs, letting them sniff at another bench.

"Will I see you again?" Yuki blurted before he could stop himself.

She glanced up in surprise.

"I don't know" she laughed. "Will you be here again?"

"I could be..." Yuki murmured.

"Well I'm here every evening walking the dogs."

Yuki's mind reeled with the possibility of seeing her again. He couldn't promise to be able to come tomorrow... there was a chance he could never come again... but he'd like to try.

"Will you be here a week from now?"

She laughed again, "Yes Yuki, every night."

He nodded. "I'll try be here a week from now. Goodnight Miss Honda."

"Goodnight Yuki," she replied, once more copying his formal articulation with a small smirk.

Yuki left the park feeling... well feeling he didn't know what. Was there a name for this feeling? Feelings certainly were causing him difficulty today.

He was very confused, but very... happy?

Tohru... She was very kind and beautiful. She... seemed to care...

Their paths should never have crossed... but he was glad they had.

Now he jogged through the streets, hoping he could find his way back to the Estate alright.

He had directly and intentionally disobeyed orders.

He pushed himself harder, stumbling past pedestrians and cyclists.

He raced the sinking sun along the streets of a town which was simultaneously his hometown, and a foreign maze. Hoping... praying... he would get back before the clients arrived... before Akito noticed.

.

* * *

**Sorry for the long gap while I was away, and thank you for waiting for this to continue :) **


	5. The Swinging Pendulum

_Fear_. It drove him on, sending him thundering forwards, yet warned him to turn around and not look back. It pushed and pulled, tearing him in two.

He succumbed to the push and forced himself onwards. Somehow, he knew he didn't have to go back. But the power of his master was too great to resist. His bare feet soon became painful as they pounded the hard ground, but he didn't stop.

It seemed his fear of Akito was greater than his fear of pain.

At the entrance to the Estate the desire to run was stronger than ever. Panting heavily, he entered quickly before he could reconsider.

This was madness anyway. Of course he was going to return, what was he thinking?

Several cars were sweeping up the drive; the first clients for that evening. He slipped in the entrance and strode quickly up the gravel drive before crossing the lawn in long strides. He tried to appear nonchalant but his chest was pounding and he felt taunt as a spring.

Reaching the garden he looked around, trying to decide what he should do.

Judging by the rapidly deepening darkness, the evening was well underway. Yuki didn't know who his client was for the evening, or where he was meant to meet them.

Should he return to Akito's room to dress? Should he go to the dining room and pretend he had been eating dinner if Akito questioned him? Should he slip into one of the lounges, in case Akito was already looking for him? But he was undressed, and without shoes. Maybe he was overreacting... could he not just tell Akito where he had been? He would understand. Yet even as he thought it Yuki knew this wasn't an option. Akito loved him, of course, but he may not understand...

A staff member appeared while he was dithering. She walked several steps into the garden, stopped suddenly at the sight of his and hurried back inside. Yuki balked. This was it. What to do. Instinct told him to run. To run and run.

But he couldn't move.

Run. _Run_. He couldn't move. Run! No use...

It was too late. _Too late_. Run!

Akito appeared, framed in the doorway.

Yuki's eyes were fixed upon him, his feet rooted to the spot. He could no better control his racing pulse than calm the stormy seas. His tongue was dry.

It was foolish he told himself. He shouldn't feel this way towards Akito. If he was to be punished he deserved it. He knew this. He knew what he was. He knew what he owed Akito. Knowing this however, did nothing to dispell the fear.

Akito approached slowly, a curious look on his face.

Yuki, still unable to move from the spot, inclined his head in submission.

He waited.

The seconds dragged tortously slowly as his master strode across the neat lawn.

"Yuki. I was looking for you. There's a client waiting. Where were you?" His voice was measured and careful, a swinging pendulum.

Yuki couldn't respond. Where were his words?

"Yuki? Answer me." Softer, more dangerous. The pendulum was slowing. Yuki could imagine it. Back and forth. Back and forth. He knew it would soon stop.

"I'm sorry." Yuki managed.

"Sorry? What for my sweet?" Yuki didn't respond. The truth? Or a lie? He knew saying nothing would be an admission of guilt. "Look at me Yuki."

Yuki dragged his eyes to meet Akito's obediently. He had never refused a command, and he could not start now. Akito's gaze was piercing.

The pendulum trembled and stopped. "Where were you?"

Yuki felt sick. He swallowed nervously and opened his mouth. He still didn't know what he was going to say.

"Hey Yuki! You missed one, can you do it quickly?"

Haru bounded into the garden, shirtless, and Yuki was sure he had never been more grateful to see anyone. Haru stopped when he saw the scene before him.

"Oh, sorry Akito. Yuki there's one more?" He strode over confidently, as though nothing was amiss.

Yuki stared, unable to comprehend. What was Haru doing? Haru handed Yuki a small jar and gave him a meaningful look. He turned around, and Yuki, examining the jar, understood. Trying his best to appear relaxed, he rubbed concealer over the still uncovered bruises littering Haru's hips and back.

"What's this Yuki?" Akito looked equally confused and irritated.

"Yuki was helping me cover my bruises. Last night's was a bastard."

Yuki finished covering the bruises and handed Haru to concealer. "Remember not to fool around in the shower tonight." Yuki worked hard to keep his voice light and joking, but his head was aching with the stress.

Akito looked frustrated. "Helping him cover his bruises?" he asked Yuki scornfully.

Yuki nodded. "Yes."

"Well you wouldn't like tonight's clients to see this hot body all marked, would you?"

Akito looked like he had a bitter taste in his mouth.

"You should mind how you talk to me Haru. Come Yuki."

He grasped Yuki's arm and walked him away. Yuki wanted to talk to Haru, to thank him. He hadn't seen Haru watching the scene in the garden but he must have, and acted quickly to help Yuki. Yuki was so touched, and so grateful. Haru was... a friend. A good friend. He owed him.

Akito only released his hold of Yuki when they reached his bedroom. He pushed Yuki onto the bed and kissed him forcefully. He grasped Yuki's shoulder sharply

"Get ready quickly. _Don't_ keep me waiting."

Yuki's head swam. The rapid changes in Akito's temperament were difficult to keep up with. Akito left with a dark glance back at Yuki.

The instant he left Yuki collapsed backwards on the bed. His heart was racing.

That was too risky. Far too risky. Leaving the Estate was foolish. That could have ended so badly. Yuki didn't even want to consider how badly it could have ended. Thank goodness for Haru. He wouldn't be leaving the Estate again. He belonged here. He knew what he was.

He dressed quickly, not bothering to shower. He went to his small room, straight to the cabinet. Ahh, he didn't need to be able to read to know this one. Vodka. His true lover.

He drank until he could feel the warmth licking at his insides and the lights twinkled pleasantly. Then he drank some more. Enough to curb his inhibitions. To lend him some numbness.

.

That evening he was charming, flattering, alluring. He mingled with other clients in the main lounge but devoted all of his charm towards his own client. By the time he carried her to the room which was his for work purposes, she was putty in his hands.

He worked hard that night, as though desperate to reaffirm this was where he belonged. Akito could not doubt his loyalty.

Yet as the woman screamed his name it didn't sound right. And it didn't feel like he belonged.

He was good at what he did, he was very good. She said he was special. She even called him a God at one point. But it made him feel emptier than ever.

He tenderly helped her dress in the morning, peppering her neck with kisses. He was attentive and courteous. But behind the gentle smile his eyes were dead and empty.

Before she left she kissed him passionately. Strangely this, more than the sex, really made him feel like he was selling himself. He felt like he was stripping himself bare, flaying parts of his soul off before her, leaving nothing behind. She slipped a crisp note into his underwear and he murmured his thanks against her lips.

When the door closed behind her Yuki dressed quickly and padded barefoot along the corridor to Akito's quarters. He made his way quietly into the bedroom, peeled his clothes off, letting the money he had no interest in flutter to the floor. He went for a second shower without glancing at Akito's sleeping form, washing himself thoroughly.

He walked naked and dripping to his small room, desperate. He finished the vodka curled in the corner of his room. He just wanted numbness. He didn't want to think. He didn't want to feel.

He dressed unsteadily, selected another bottle from his fast-dwindling stock, and crept out the french windows of Akito's room into the garden.

He sat outside for an hour, slowly sipping the fruity gin. Then he resignedly made his way back inside, knowing he had to be there when Akito awoke.

He eased himself into bed and ten minutes later when Akito's alarm rang he pretended to sleep. He felt Akito stroke his hair, and down his chest. He was thankful when he left a minute later, showering before dressing and leaving for work.

Then Yuki relaxed. He wandered outside once more, collecting the gin, and went to his favourite bench. He waited and drank, trying not to think. He couldn't let it get under his skin.

His mind soon became more fluid and things didn't bother him so much. He lay back, sipping happily.

He was finally able to fall asleep. Hours later Haru arrived. He gently prised the bottle from Yuki's slack grip and woke him.

Yuki flinched in fear at being woken suddenly, cowering away.

"Just me." Haru assured him.

Yuki relaxed. Haru waited patiently for a moment. "So?" he eventually inquired. Yuki knew what he was asking. But could he tell him the truth? Could he trust anyone? Then again he owed Haru the truth.

Wordlessly he reached for the bottle, which Haru relinquished to him. Yuki took a long, comforting drink, and began his story.

By the end Haru was drinking from the bottle.

"Wow," he said when Yuki finished. "I mean the rest of us get to go out more than you of course but it's been like a year since I left the Estate -and a girl! You sly fox!"

Yuki blushed slightly.

"I don't think I can go next week though. It's... too much risk." Haru nodded somberly, looking slightly disappointed.

"Thank you,"Yuki continued, "For covering for me."

"Ahh it's nothing."

"No, it really is. You could have gotten in a lot of trouble. I owe you."

Haru laughed. "It's fine, Akito needs me... my dick is far too fabulous to pass up." He stared at Yuki with a serious expression until Yuki couldn't stop the laughter. Then they laughed together.

That afternoon was spent passing the bottle back and forth and laughing, until Yuki fell asleep once more. Haru draped a blanket over his friend before going to watch a film with Momiji.

.

That week Yuki was at war with himself.

Every day he changed his mind.

He wouldn't leave again. It was too risky. He couldn't. He belonged here.

He would. He would meet Tohru again as promised. He managed once before, why not again?

There was no way he could. What was he thinking? Akito was his master.

She had smiled when he said he would be there again. He could see the trees and the flowers. The people...

He was a gutter rat who sold his body for money. He didn't belong in that bright world.

These thoughts competed for dominance in his every waking hour, and sometimes invaded his sleep.

By the time six nights had passed, Yuki was no closer to deciding.

He could see Tohru...

But he didn't deserve too...

It was too risky...

But he had promised...

.

When a week had passed, Yuki awoke groggily in Akito's bed.

He looked around and knew what he was going to do.

Some promises are difficult to keep. But some people are worth getting hurt for.

.

* * *

**Thank you to anyone who reads this, and especially to those who have reviewed/followed/favourited. I was considering stopping but now I think I'll see it through. So thanks :) **


	6. An Ongoing Dream

This time was different. Last week his head had been all over the place; confused, angry, scared.

Today he knew perfectly what he was planning... what he was doing.

Akito pulled him gently into the shower, tenderly caressing Yuki as he gradually woke up. Yuki submitted to him. He only wished he could have had a drink first, that always made him feel better.

He let his mind wander, thinking ahead. He was going to leave the Estate again. He had decided. He was going to do it. He could do it. He could definitely do it.

Why then was he so scared? As Akito slowly got dressed, Yuki reclined on the bed, deep in thought. His tongue was dry. His head was pounding. His palms were moist.

His body was warning him this wasn't a good idea. He wondered wildly if he should listen to it. Surely it knew what was best...?

When Akito kissed him goodbye Yuki was still struggling with himself. The door clicked closed behind Akito.

Yuki's gaze wandered to the window. The sky beckoned him. He had promised her.

And Yuki decided then that he would never break a promise to Tohru.

He sat up abruptly. He was going.

He dressed in his casual clothes and walked outside. He had slept only a few hours but there was no way he could settle now. Even his favourite bench could not provide the peace it usually did. He sat then rose and paced, sat again, rose again...This continued until he was annoyed with himself. Frustrated and restless, he made his way inside.

He never actively decided where to go but he was unsurprised when he found himself at the bar in the main lounge. The bar was closed during the day, only opening in the evening and running through the night.

That didn't matter to Yuki though. He carefully swung himself over the counter, as he had many times before.

What to have today...

He settled on wine in the end, something a bit different. He took a bottle and a glass to the plush leather arm chairs which littered the main lounge.

Pouring himself a glass he felt fairly sophisticated. Maybe if he drank from a glass, in this comfortable armchair, in this grand room, he could pretend he was someone else. Someone wealthy perhaps. Someone refined. Most of all, someone free.

Ahh _what a life I have,_ Yuki thought. All I have to do is sit here and drink wine. No-one owns me... I don't have to do anything I don't want to.

He sighed. His imagination wasn't powerful enough to convince himself. He could push the truth to the back of his mind but there it would ferment, eventually sending tendrils of unwanted truth forward to infect his happy illusions.

Whatever. He didn't give a damn. He didn't deserve happy illusions anyway.

He whiled the hours away slowly drinking the wine until he realised he should eat something. He meandered into the small dining room.

There were two dining rooms; a large one for Akito to entertain guests, and the other, smaller one for the staff. The staff dining room featured a service hatch in one wall which connected to the kitchen. It was this to which Yuki wandered now.

He didn't order here often. Usually Akito would feed him, or Haru would bring him something. Yuki supposed he had become quite dependent on others.

He hovered by the open hatch, not wanting to disturb the kitchen staff. A moment later a woman noticed him.

"Can I help you?" she asked politely, but Yuki could hear the false cheeriness behind it. He had told too many lies not to know one now.

"Erm... could I have a sandwich? Just whatever's easy... whatever you've got?" He didn't fully understand why he was so nervous. With clients he was a smooth-talking seducer. Yet even as the woman nodded and turned away Yuki felt the uncomfortable flush creeping up his neck.

Why was it easier to sell his body than order a bloody sandwich? When had that happened? It was bizarre.

He sat down at the long wooden table with his sandwich, eating dutifully without completely tasting. He wasn't very good at feeding himself, especially lately.

He felt a pang of guilt. What would Akito say? He often reiterated that he provided Yuki and the others with any food they could want, on request. Yuki knew he was very fortunate. Often he merely forgot to eat, or didn't consider it important or felt unwell. He should do better. He should be grateful.

As he ate, the door slowly opened and Kagura entered. She paused for a second when she saw Yuki. Then she smiled and continued.

Yuki was relieved. Most of the others had disliked him for a while, as he received the best clients. It fortunately seemed that since he had become closer to Haru the others' attitudes towards him had softened. Yuki didn't especially care what they thought of him. Honestly his main concern was what Akito thought of him. Yuki's top priority was himself, and he knew that. It was just how this world worked. He hadn't the luxury of caring for others.

Kagura got her food and sat too. They spoke intermittently, of unimportant things. But it was pleasant. She had a soft voice and seemed receptive to what he was saying. Yuki was surprised when he realised talking to her was nice. After some time she left, and Yuki was alone once more. He took his plate to the counter and entered the main lounge, more cautious now in case afternoon visitors were using the lounge.

It was blissfully empty. He sank into the same armchair and waited. He waited until it was time to leave, feeling his stomach tighten in anticipation. Momiji entered, looking tired.

"Oh hi Yuki! What are you doing? I just woke up."

"Nothing, " Yuki replied closely, not sure how much he could safely give away.

"You wanna come play something on the playstation with Haru and me?"

Despite himself, Yuki smiled at the invitation.

"No thanks. Say... what time is it?" He cringed slightly at having to ask. He could more or less read the time, and nearly always got it right. It was just... he didn't want to risk it... not with Tohru waiting.

"Mmm, almost half four." Momiji replied, studying the ornate clock on the wall.

Yuki nodded. He should go. If he was going to go it had to be now. _Now_.

"Thanks. I have to go now." He worked to keep his voice steady and succeeded flawlessly; his acting was very skillful. He strode to the bar, swung over the counter and slowly selected a bottle. He was sure it was the same type he had left on the bench for Haru last week.

"Could you give this to Haru?" He handed the bottle to Momiji, who frowned.

" I mean, the two of you can drink it of course, but could you just give it to him from me? I think he'll understand..."

Momiji nodded. "Sure" he chirped brightly.

Yuki left the room without a backward glance.

He stripped quickly when he reached Akito's room and dressed in his evening clothes; suit trousers, a fitted shirt and leather shoes. He wanted to be smart this time. Besides, at lesst he would already be dressed for the evening.

Last week's excursion had been too risky. It was far too close to being caught.

Thinking of this Yuki very nearly changed his mind.

But he gritted his teeth, pulled on his second shoe, and stood. He was going. And he didn't plan on getting caught.

On impulse he stopped on his way through the garden and plucked a bright orange flower. He didn't know what it was. He didn't know why he did it. But it seemed right in the moment.

In a way, leaving the Estate that day was both easier and harder than the first day. It was easier because he had done it before and knew he could. It was harder because this time he knew exactly what he was doing. And that scared him.

Still, when he finally passed the gates and took his first step outside he felt wonderfully light and carefree.

He walked quickly and cautiously, anxious to ensure both that he avoided suspicion and that he managed to find the park again.

Luckily, it proved straightforward. It seemed in his frantic state last week he had more or less simply ran straight.

And the park was just as beautiful as he remembered. He was sure his mind had fabricated some of the beauty for its own satisfaction as he lay awake on the long nights. It now transpired that his memories had not done it justice.

The trees and grass danced delicately in the light breeze. The weak afternoon sun filtered down through the trees, leaving intricate dappled shadows on the ground. Filling in this beautiful backdrop were walkers, dogs, children, ducks...

It was so vibrant and stimulating to Yuki that he stood at the entrance to the park, staring for several minutes at the scene before him before he gathered his senses and walked on.

The bench was just where he imagined it to be, overlooking the small pond. He smiled as he sat down, feeling a strange sort of comforting familiarity in it.

He rested the flower on the seat beside him. Feeling unsure he crossed his legs. Then he uncrossed them. He stretched them out in front of him. He tucked them underneath him. He clasped his hands. He stretched his arms above his head.

Breathe Yuki. _Breathe_.

He was here now. He was here so he might as well relax and see it through.

Surprisingly this thought helped. He took a deep breath, noting the pleasant smells in the air.

Shortly after, Tohru appeared.

She walked slowly around the lake, seeming to talk to the dog beside her as she did. This week there was only the smaller of the two dogs, Yuki couldn't remember what its name was.

As she rounded the corner and saw him, she smiled. Yuki swallowed nervously, excitedly. He eventually managed to convince his face to respond, and returned Tohru's smile.

The dog forcefully pulled her the last few steps and she stumbled to a stop by the bench.

"Yuki, you came!" Her smile was genuine, her eyes were bright and sincere. Small wrinkles appeared at the corners of her eyes when she smiled.

And Yuki knew he could not regret coming for one moment. To see those smile lines... it was all worth it. No question.

"I promised." He handed her the flower from the seat. She took it timidly, seeming surprised.

"Thank you." Her voice was softer now, and he smile more reserved. She seemed shy.

Yuki patted the bench beside him. He didn't understand where he was getting this confidence from; all was chaos inside- pounding heart and spinning head.

She sat, and the dog sniffed at Yuki's leg. Yuki pulled away slightly, unsure.

"Oh Busters okay, he's very gentle." This was Buster then. Yuki slowly reached out a hand to stroke the dog's head. He couldn't remember ever patting a dog before. He found that once he did he was no longer nervous of him.

"This is lovely Yuki," Tohru continued, indicating the flower, "I think it's a tea rose." Yuki didn't know what to say to this so he merely nodded.

"Thank you"she continued.

"There's quite a few growing at... in my garden" He felt himself blush slightly. That was fine wasn't it? Most people had gardens?

"You seem to be feeling... better this week?" Tohru had a gentle way of asking questions which wasn't intrusive.

"I am," Yuki ventured, "Much better... thanks. There was just... some... stuff going on... last week." He finished lamely, his speech awkward and stilted.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Yuki paused. Oh if only he could tell her. In a way he was very inclined to. But he didn't have the words to give form to his thoughts. It was better if they festered in the darkness, never seeing the light of day.

He shook his head. "No... not yet."

"Well, I have to walk Buster." Tohru moved slightly and Yuki panicked. She was leaving. She didn't want him.

"Will you walk with me?"

Yuki couldn't help the smile which spread across his face. He was so relieved. He knew he was stupidly relieved over such a little thing. That didn't quell his happiness.

He bounced up like a puppy. The three of them walked together round the pond, and along a small path by a cluster of trees. Yuki was so happy.

It felt peaceful to be walking with Tohru. It felt... right.

They spoke comfortably, pleasantly, of the things they passed.

"You look smart." Tohru remarked.

"Erm, thanks." Yuki replied tersely, suddenly remembering he was wearing his evening clothes. And in remembering his evening clothes, he remembered the evening's activities that awaited him.

It was so incongruous to think of that here with Tohru. It made him uncomfortable.

They reached the back gate of the park. Both had been slowing their steps as they sighted the gate, wanting to prolong their time together.

"I'll have to go back." Tohru's tone was apologetic. "But I finish at six... if you maybe wanted to meet... for coffee or something?"

Ahh. Yuki wanted nothing more than that. His instinct screamed yes. But he knew it was impossible.

"I would love to, but I have to work. Thank you." Without meaning to he slipped into his work voice; smooth and soft, and made of lies.

"Oh right! What do you do?"

Yuki could think of no suitable answer, so he merely smiled.

Tohru seemed to realise she wasn't going to receive an answer. She laughed. "You're very mysterious Yuki."

Yuki shrugged cheekily. "Maybe next time?" she asked, and Yuki found himself nodding.

He inclined his head.

"Bye Buster... bye Tohru."

"Goodbye Yuki. I'm glad you came."

She turned and walked away. A moment later Yuki did the same. The park passed by in a blur before him as he hurried back. He didn't see any of it. He was floating, high, elated. She was glad he came.

That was it. That was all that mattered. Everything, _everything_ was worth that.

He strode purposefully along the streets. This time he was efficient. He had left earlier, knew the way now, and was already dressed. Besides, this week he was considerably more emotionally stable.

He quickly reached the Estate and entered without any issues.

He had spent a week worrying about leaving, and now it was already over. Done in a flash. A dream flickering by. And now he had to wake up.

He jogged across the lawn and slipped in the French windows of Akito's room.

It was blessedly empty. He was much more organised and prepared this week. He knew he didn't have a pre-decided client this evening; he was just to mingle in the lounge. Someone would choose him. They always did.

He caught his breath and fixed his hair. He swung a suit jacket around his shaking shoulders.

He felt like he was coming down from a high. The dream was fading every second, like water escaping cupped hands. He needed a drink. He loped into his small room and grabbed a bottle. It was almost empty.

He sighed. So much of his energy this past week had been focused on today. Now it was over, and Yuki was suddenly very tired.

He strode confidently along the corridor to the small dining room. Haru, Kyo and Ritsu were sitting at the table, plates of food before them.

Haru looked seriously and meaningfully at Yuki. His gaze was disapproving and it made Yuki feel guilty and uncomfortable. He broke the contact and turned to one of the side tables. It held a kettle, cups, tea and coffee, a mini-fridge and a generous bowl of fruit. The Estate really did provide everything they could want, Yuki thought bitterly.

He clicked on the kettle and scooped two heaped spoons of coffee into a cup. And waited. The silence grow deafening. It was broken with a drawl.

"So, the great Prince Yuki has come to mingle with the rest of us?" It was Kyo, of course. Yuki ignored him. "Hmph. What have you been doing today then? Drinking to forget your wonderful position as Akito's favourite?" Yuki glared at him and Kyo returned it with a scowl. Ritsu looked nervous.

The sarcasm was strong in Kyo's voice, but Yuki considered that he didn't know how right he was. Unfortunately he had hit the damn nail on the head. Being Akito's favourite wasn't as great as an outsider would think.

The kettle finally boiled and Yuki poured a few inches into the cup and topped it up with vodka. _Perfect_.

"Oh Yuki, really?" It was Haru. He looked exasperated. Yuki shrugged.

"This way it's acceptable to have it in the main lounge." He tasted his concoction. It was rank, as expected. But it would do.

Yuki left without a word, kicking the empty bottle across the floor at Kyo.

"That's disgusting." He heard Kyo mutter as he closed the door.

He strode to the main lounge. Akito greeted him with a sweet smile and a gaze which traversed Yuki's body, making him feel naked. He contained his sigh. He knew lust when he saw it. It seemed it would be a long night.

Yuki drank his coffee-vodka mixture as he strode into the room. Momiji, Isuzu and Kagura were already mingling. Ayame and Kureno, who only worked a couple nights a week, were also present.

Ayame smiled at Yuki when he passed. Yuki ignored him. Ayame was biologically his brother, but it meant nothing to Yuki, Their mother had abandoned Yuki at the Estate four years before she did the same to Ayame. Besides this Ayame had never come to Yuki's aid when he was growing up on the Estate. He preferred to distance himself from him. To Yuki, Ayame was a reminder of his childhood. And that wasn't something he wanted to remember. Ever.

By the time Yuki had made his way to the bar several clients were watching him. He sighed resignedly. A well-dressed man was watching him from one of the bar stools.

Yuki made eye contact, turned away, and waited. Sure enough, a minute later the man approached, smiling self-assuredly.

"Can I get you a drink?" he inquired in a soft purr. Yuki smiled back. Those were the magic words. The only words he wanted to hear.

"I would love that."

.

Twelve hours later Yuki sat curled in the armchair by the window in Akito's room. He was exhausted, both mentally and physically. Even the notion of going to his cabinet for a drink was too much effort to consider.

Yesterday had been a dream. And now he was awake.

But the thing with dreams is... you always have to wake up. That's inevitable. But even if you must wake up, you can cling to that dream.

And Yuki cling now. He gazed at the gradually lightening sky and imagined he was somewhere else. On an old park bench beside a beautiful girl.

It helped. It made him feel less tired. Stronger.

He didn't need that drink. He would just have a sleep... wake up... talk to people maybe. And work towards next week. When he would see Tohru again.

He felt like some light was trickling into the vessel which had previously been numb. It was strangely pleasant.

He drifted to sleep, almost content.

What Yuki didn't consider was, in opening himself up to the the light... he was also leaving himself vulnerable to the dark.

And in his line of work, it was safer to be numb. Anything else... leads to disaster.

.

* * *

**I'm sorry it's been so long, I honestly just lost track of the time! **

**Also, sorry this chapter is a bit long, oops. I hope it's alright :) **


	7. A Walk Around The Pond

**Warning: Contains homophobic attitude/slur.**

* * *

.

Yuki lasted four days before he left the Estate again.

He told himself it was because he couldn't always leave on the same day of the week. That as Akito was away on business for two days it was a perfect opportunity.

He told himself many things, but they weren't the truth.

He just wanted to see Tohru again.

On the first day Haru came to see him as he sat in the garden. He sat beside Yuki on the bench, holding the bottle of brandy Yuki had asked Momiji to give to him the day before. There was a silence, long and weighty.

Finally Haru turned to Yuki.

"You went again didn't you?" His voice was accusing and his words came quickly in his anger.

Yuki didn't respond. Haru already knew and he wasn't sure how to react to his friend's anger.

"You're an idiot Yuki." Yuki met his friend's eyes and saw that, rather than burning with anger, they were wide with concern. "You know how risky it was last time. I mean- I don't mind covering for you last week, not at all- but you know what'll happen if Akito catches you."

Yuki nodded. He wanted to say something, to say thank you... sorry... He prayed Haru was finished because he knew he didn't want to hear what was coming next. Haru ploughed on.

"Right now you've got your nice position and your tiny room with your bloody drinks cabinet and your other stupid shit. You don't need me to remind you what it used to be like, right? The darkness, the chains- the beatings? You've not forgotten that right?"

Yuki didn't want to hear this. He couldn't hear this. Couldn't think it, couldn't know it, couldn't understand it, couldn't remember it. No no _no_.

He realised his hands had jumped to his head in a futile attempt at stopping the memories. The memories which were buried deep within the numbness of his mind.

"Please!" He implored, and Haru stopped talking immediately.

Yuki's body was trembling and he inhaled deeply, fighting to maintain control. Haru looked at him with deep concern, his face seeming older than its eighteen years.

"I'm not trying to be a jerk. I just..." Haru sighed deeply, "I just hope you know the risks, that's all."

Yuki nodded once more as his breathing stabilised. He laid a hand flat on his thigh, watching his fingers open and close like a starfish. It was very soothing.

"I know..." he assured Haru.

"I mean I won't stand in your way or anything. And you know I'll never tell anyone, even if you go again, but... I won't be putting my ass on the line for you again. That's it. I have risks to consider too, and I want to leave here in three years. I won't risk that for you... or for anyone." He finished somberly, and there was a moment of silence.

Yuki understood perfectly. In fact, he knew he would feel the exact same, if there was the option of him leaving at twenty-one. Everyone looked out for themselves; it was the only way to live. No... it was the only way to survive.

"I understand." He thought Haru could tell he truly did, for after gazing sadly at Yuki for a moment he nodded and turned away.

He had been made of anger and fire when he sat down but now all the spark had left him. He was now an old man, weary of life and it's cruel tricks. He sat back and slowly opened the as-yet untouched brandy.

"To Haru being a selfish bastard." He took a large gulp. Yuki roughly snatched the bottle from him.

"To Haru being a good friend" he corrected. Haru almost smiled.

They toasted many things that day: survival, friendship, risks, Haru's massive dick...

In the end Yuki fell asleep, head slightly slumped on Haru's shoulder. Haru half-walked, half-carried him to the staff quarters. He helped him into his bed and left to get food with Momiji and Hiro.

When Yuki woke up, well rested and comfortable in Haru's bed, he smiled. He was sure Haru was the closest thing to a friend he had here. And he was very grateful.

He was just sorry he would have to disappoint him by leaving again.

The next three days he made an effort to work hard. He tried to sleep longer, and when this didn't succeed he rested in bed, resisting having a drink for longer than usual. When he did rise he dragged his tired, unwilling body to the small dining room and forced down coffee and fruit. It was a small breakfast considering the selection on offer but to Yuki, who was unused to eating so early, it felt huge and almost uncomfortably filling.

He could never keep himself away from the bar for very long, but the addition of more sleep and food to his daily routine made it feel different. Better.

On the fourth day, Yuki was sitting outside on the grass, vaguely admiring the new flowers which were blooming.

It was getting sunnier, and he wondered if Tohru had new freckles.

And that was when he knew he had lost.

He had fallen hard, and now he must see her. What if he missed a freckle?

There was no advanced planning that time. He used Akito's absence as justification for his impromptu leaving, but honestly it was far more simple than that.

He was not weighing up pros and cons, nor considering the morality of his actions, the consequences of his decision... none of that. He just wanted to see if she had another freckle. That was the most important thing.

He left without a word to anyone and was quickly at the park. An elderly couple were sitting on the bench, smiling together in the afternoon sun. Yuki wondered if that man cared about her freckles as much as he did. He hovered for sometime, and eventually they left.

Yuki sat immediately, scared someone else would claim it. It was his bench. _Their _bench.

He waited, calmer this time and less fidgety.

When she appeared she smiled once more, and Yuki knew, without consciously thinking it, that this was what he had been waiting for the past few days. That moment when she saw him, when she smiled... when he was able to make her happy. That was it.

She had two dogs with her again; Buster and a larger black one. Buster bounded over to Yuki as they neared him.

"Hey there Buster!" he stroked the dog, and he responded enthusiastically. "I don't know you yet," Yuki said, turning his gaze to the other dog, who was more reserved.

"This is Penny. She just had a slight ear infection."

Yuki stretched his hand out, palm facing upwards. She sniffed and licked it, before moving closer. Yuki smiled as he stroked her shiny coat.

"You're getting better with them, I think." Tohru smiled down at him, one eyebrow slightly raised. She sat without being asked, and the dogs settled at their feet.

"There were complications with Buster's treatment." Tohru murmured, as though Buster could comprehend, "They thought the removal of the tennis ball was a success, but it seems to have done more damage than expected." She smiled sadly down at Buster, who was licking his front paws.

Yuki was sorry to hear that; Buster seemed a lovely dog. He reached down and patted his head, and Buster's tail wagged in response.

"Oh! I really shouldn't be telling you all this, it's confidential! Oh dear, I'm sorry." Tohru looked wracked with guilt as she nervously bit her lip. Even as she was worrying Yuki couldn't help but find her beautiful. He wondered if that was a new freckle gracing her earlobe.

"That's ok," he assured her, "I won't tell anyone. Besides, Busters my friend."

She seemed to relax slightly. "My mum always said I spoke before I thought." She giggled, "But she did the same."

"Your... mum?" Yuki asked.

"Mmm, I still miss her, everyday."

Toru explained that both her parents were dead, and that she lived with her grandfather. Yuki was stunned. He'd never have known this bright and kind girl carried so much loss with her.

He was lost in thought for a moment. "I'm sorry" he finally mumbled, and he truly meant it.

"It's okay. I think... as long as I remember everything they taught me, they won't really be gone." Yuki was so touched by this that he was rendered completely speechless.

"Erm, I should walk them a bit," Tohru's gentle voice broke the silence.

They walked together around the pond, still talking.

Yuki noted the scrubs once more. He wondered what she would look like in other colours, and if he would have the chance to see.

When they reached the back gate both stopped. Yuki was disappointed, and Tohru seemed to be too. Their time together was so short.

Tohru glanced out the gate towards the streets, then back to Yuki.

"Well, maybe once more round the pond would be fine?"

Yuki beamed.

They began walking once more, and Buster and Penny seemed delighted, sniffing at tufts of grass and groups of flowers with renewed vigour as though, blessed with a second chance, they were going to make the most of it.

Yuki thought they had the right idea.

Without much thought, he slipped an arm through Tohru's.

It was not an elaborately planned gesture, nor was it dramatic or romantic. It was just what it was. A simple expression of feeling. Tohru smiled and Yuki felt giddy.

His whole life was touches. Romantic touches, sensual touches, sexual touches. Thousands of touches... but none was like this.

As they slowly passed the pond, arm-in-arm and smiling, Yuki thought that it was a truly wonderful day.

Of course, if they hadn't decided on a second turn around the pond, everything would have been alright...

"Yuki, there's something I'd like to ask you about" Tohru began timidly.

However, as they turned the last corner to head back to the gate, and before Yuki could respond, there was a momentous shriek.

"It's _you_!" A woman was striding towards them, her teeth bared and her eyes wide. She looked far more ferocious then the two dogs.

"How _dare_ you set foot here- in a park where _children_ play?"

Yuki was stunned, so much so that when Tohru broke their arms apart to step back with the dogs, he couldn't even move. What was this?

Bad. Bad. This was bad. But it was too late.

"Get away from him, you don't know what he is!" The woman turned to Tohru now, brandishing her handbag violently in Tohru's shocked face.

"He's a gay! A faggot who _sells_ himself to other men."

Her words hung heavy in the air for a moment before they came piercing down through Yuki with a force which was staggering. This couldn't be happening. Couldn't be happening couldn't-

"He corrupted my husband with his wicked ways. He- he seduced him with his body and dragged him into _sin_!"

Yuki's mind was reeling. Was this really happening. He became aware of all the eyes upon them and panicked. So many people. They couldn't know. No-one could know. Tohru couldn't know. No no _no_. But still he couldn't force himself to speak.

Tears were running down the women's cheeks now, smearing her make-up dramatically.

"We had a daughter you know!" she shrieked at Yuki, and he felt it like a blow to the chest. _A daughter_.

"She's six, and now she doesn't have a father at home!" Yuki felt sick. He was shocked and sorry and angry and scared.

"Stay away from him," the woman warned Tohru, "Otherwise he'll pass it on to you."

She took a step back and spread her arms wide. "All of you! Stay away from this man. He's filthy. And he'll lead your families into sin and _ruin_!"

She glared at Yuki and stormed away, leaving carnage in her wake.

Yuki couldn't speak, couldn't move, couldn't think.

Bad bad bad badbadbadbadbadbad...

He drew in great shuddering breaths as the park shimmered and faded around him.

What had he done? And what had she done?

He couldn't breathe.

The stares of the onlookers pierced him like lances and he was sure he would soon bleed out from the intensity of his injuries.

He felt something gentle tugging at his arm. _Tohru_. She guided him from the park. Once they were beyond the onlookers she stopped. Yuki lent his back against a tree, struggling to breathe. _Breathe_. In for seven, hold for four, out for eight... as he'd learnt to cope with his asthma and panic attacks as a child. _Breathe_.

Slowly he resurfaced, and his breathing settled.

"I'm sorry," was the first thing he said. "I'm really- really sorry."

She shook her head fervently. "No, no." Buster tugged on his lead and she looked down the street in the direction of the Vet's.

She wanted to go. He couldn't blame her.

"I'm sorry,"Yuki repeated, still slightly breathless. "Thank you, for all your help."

So many people had seen. So many people knew. He couldn't be here.

He began backing away, then turned.

"Wait,- Yuki!"

"Goodbye Tohru" he said, as he began to run away, "I'm sorry!"

"Yuki!" she screamed after him, but he ignored her.

He had hurt her, disappointed her. What she must think of him now... knowing he had let her down was the worst feeling.

He ran fast and frantically. When the first drop of rain plummeted onto his head he barely felt it, no more than he did when it began pelting hard and fast all around him.

And so many people. So many eyes. That meant so many mouths which would talk to so many ears. That meant Akito.

Akito

Akito

Akito

He had been so stupid. So so stupid. So many people had seen. They would be talking now. It would spread.

He cursed himself.

Because of that woman he had lost Tohru. Lost his freedom.

_A daughter._

The words echoed in his mind. She was six.

What had he done?

When he reached the Estate he sprinted inside without thinking to check if any staff were watching. He ran until he crashed to a halt in Akito's room. As Akito was away for the night it was his.

He frantically locked himself inside.

He found himself curled tightly in a corner. He realised with surprise that his eyes were wet and scoffed. He didn't deserve to be upset.

He had hurt Tohru. And lost her. He had hurt that woman's family. And in turn she had destroyed him. He had taken a risk in leaving the Estate. And now he was in trouble. And maybe Haru was in trouble for helping him.

Why did he hurt everyone?

He went to the drinks cabinet without thinking. He selected a drink without any awareness of what it was.

He curled in the corner of Akito's locked bedroom with his bottles. He sobbed without tears and raged without sound.

When the staff knocked on the door to ask if he was coming to the lounge to mingle, he shouted incoherently. When they persisted he threw a bottle at the door. The shattering of the glass was somehow beautiful.

It was just a pity the destruction of him could not be quite so artful.

That woman had ruined it, and now he knew he could never see Tohru again.

And if word reached Akito of him being in the park... Yuki could not even consider.

After some time rationality kicked in and he realised he could not disobey Akito further by refusing to work tonight. If Akito had been at the Estate there would be no question of his refusing.

He dragged himself to his feet, wiped his face with a sleeve and staggered to the lounge.

It was late, and many clients were already gone with the others. Some remained however, drinking and chatting. Yuki didn't have the energy or motivation to be charming, merely staggering to the bar. Despite this he was soon selected by a large man with small hungry eyes like a wolf.

He followed meekly as the man led him to the room.

The man was eager and rough.

"Give me what you've got!" he snarled. So Yuki did. He surrendered everything. He felt nothing... yet at the same time he felt everything.

The man was satisfied, and Yuki was paid.

And in the darkest hours of that night, for the first time in years, Yuki cried.

.

* * *

**Thank you everyone for reading :) Let me know what you think?**


End file.
